


Clarity

by unshurtugal



Category: Glee
Genre: Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 20:59:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3425417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unshurtugal/pseuds/unshurtugal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not the happiest story. Kurt and Blaine are having an affair. Blaine is married with children, and Kurt reminisces on their doomed love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clarity

The worn silver band brushed against Kurt’s nipple, cool and and shocking to the senses, he couldn’t help but exhale shakily through his teeth.

Despite the shame and guilt he could’ve felt, Kurt instead felt his nipple harden from arousal, wanting to feel it again to remind himself of the reality.

The ring glinted and winked at him when Kurt’s eyes flickered down, the glaring object almost had its own pulse; taken. Taken. _Taken_. The universal symbol of belonging to another. A simple, subtle gesture that announces loudly to the world the truth of who owns your heart.

But it was all a lie.

With Blaine’s magnificent lips against his own, their skin an electric current, their hearts on _fire_ … that was all the truth Kurt knew. Never before in Kurt’s young life had he felt something so twistedly wrong, but so perfectly right.

Thoughts of doubt and morality assaulted Kurt whenever Blaine was away, but when he returned, he was the cure-all. 

Blaine’s honest, gentle eyes and warm smile made it all go away. They were just two people in this vast universe that found each other, somehow. Destined to be together, but doomed to not last.

The past is a faded memory, the present everything that is, and the future bleak, yet uncertain. They could never be together. No matter how much they loved each other, they could never be. And it was something Kurt forced himself to face every single day.

What they felt for each other was something written in novels and songs. The one who got away. The one that you would never forget, no matter who you ended up with. Unrequited love.

"You make me feel more than anything else ever has," Blaine admitted without realizing every word he says always makes sense. But Kurt always liked to question.

And just like that, talking to Blaine without any physical contact was enough to set Kurt’s restless mind at bay, at least for a moment. And maybe the hitch in Kurt’s breath from Blaine’s wandering, gentle hands distracted him too thereafter.

"Where are you?" Blaine asked, his voice barley there, clutching at Kurt’s back like he was going to disappear. "Don’t leave me."

Kurt turned his neck and let Blaine kiss down to his collarbone. Even the lightest brush of their lips set the entire world ablaze, and neither would notice if it actually did.

"I wouldn’t ever," Kurt whispered back bracingly, trying not to cry.

The consequences always hung in the air between them like a giant, fidgeting bird, and both were very aware of its presence. But a lot of the time, was left unspoken. Even if both of them knew very well that it could cast them down once manifested into flight. Because what was between them was something so rare and special that it would be a crime if it ever stopped.

Even with all the gray area. Even with all the promise of hurt feelings and guaranteed pain. Like the faded promise of the ring Blaine still wore.

"I love you," Blaine said again, and just the words tingled all of Kurt’s limbs. "I will always love you."

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine’s neck and kissed him deep like he’d die without it, trying to preserve his happy feelings in their small world, but the clock kept ticking. They never had enough time. It always felt like it was ending before it started.

Especially since this was their last time.

They always said this, yes between puffs of breath, the words saturating on their moistened, pleasure-filled skin, only to soak in and be forgotten like a pointless utterance.

They _tried_ , they really did. But neither of them could last long without aches and pains to touch, to talk, to just be with each other. Even if the scab turned to an open wound again, taking even longer to heal over.

Kurt would slip a text saying “I miss you" and Blaine would always reply, "Come meet me.”

But Kurt knew it to be true this time. Absolutely and sincerely. He could feel it in every cell of his body as the fiber of his being mourned and relished in each last kiss. Each last embrace. Each part of Blaine he could never have.

Kurt couldn’t even find it in himself to close his eyes and enjoy, since he needed to capture each fleeting moment. Time was always their enemy. But it was their reminder of what was. The anxiety and the stress building in Kurt almost kept him from floating off into groundless, hopeful dreams of what could be.

The truth hurt Kurt more than anything else in his life. More than any lie anyone has ever told him. More than any real threat to his mental or physical health. Almost as much as the death of his brother. This resonated within him on such a deep level, he wasn’t sure he could ever recover from it. It was just one of those loves that changes a person forever.

But he knew. He knew more than that. Especially as they had each other every which way that night. 

Kurt knew that even if Blaine shed that cold, rusted ring years down the line it wouldn’t matter. Those kids would never be Kurt’s kids. Blaine’s family would never be his family. No matter how much either of them would want that, the truth would always been written on their cherub, innocent faces. In their stranger eyes and their confused hearts. In the faces of relatives and friends that would never fully accept what they had.

Blaine knew this too, but never once said it. Kurt could read it in every hesitance between words he wanted to speak, in every movement of his posture. In every action he took despite sweeping romantic gestures. 

Kurt was the outsider. The secret. The shameful, torrid, thrilling love affair that burned brilliantly hot, but could go out quickly as it came. That’s all Kurt would ever be, no matter how hard and long they tried. They were just too different, living completely separate lives.

Even if they could change each other permanently on the inside, it still wouldn’t ever be enough. And that realization alone made Kurt never want to open up to anyone ever again.

It was then Blaine murmured his final words, “I have to go, Kurt.”

Kurt bowed his head, fist clenched against Blaine’s sweaty, naked chest. His throat was so tight that it hurt, his eyes fighting against the emotion that pushed against them, forcing him to weep. Forcing him to feel the agony of heartbreak in every nerve-ending in his body. 

"Don’t forget me," Blaine continued to whisper after collecting his clothes. He feathered kisses along Kurt’s wet cheeks, his reddened nose. His taut forehead. Down his shivering neck. But Kurt still wouldn’t lift his head.

"You make me want to be a better man," Blaine choked up as he forced Kurt to meet his gaze. "You make me want to change everything about my life. You make me want to actually be happy. I never really knew how that felt. I thank you for that."

Kurt felt warmth in his chest expand, but for a moment, he couldn’t tell if it was affection or white-hot rage. This all felt so completely unfair, so one-sided and cheapened. What has Blaine done for him?

"But it’s not enough." _I’m never enough_ , Kurt despaired.

Blaine blinked and his eyes watered, but tears didn’t betray him by falling. But he looked so immensely sad that Kurt could feel it emanating off of him. He just stared into Kurt’s eyes for the longest time until minutely, he nodded.

"I will always love you," Blaine told him, reaching up to stroke his cheek. "I just can’t-"

So many questions assaulted Kurt when Blaine broke off into tense silence, but it was all too much. Kurt couldn’t handle it, not any of this. He wanted to run. He wanted to stop feeling. He wanted to be a different person in a different world. He wanted to never see Blaine again, but at the same time, steal him away so nobody else could ever have him.

Instead, Kurt took a gasping breath as he woke from his dream. But the pain remained, only to grow more intense when Kurt realized that it still happened. That his brain was just torturing him in remembrance of the previous night.

 _I am so weak_ , Kurt realized, grasping his bedsheets to his heaving chest. _What has happened to me?_

He never used to be like this. He used to be independent, willful and strong. _If this is what love does to you, it isn’t worth it._

Then as if on cue, his phone went off, blaring and shrill as the tone cut through the quiet of his bedroom. Uncertainty came back with brutal force when he saw that it was Blaine’s name lighting up the screen.

Kurt yearned to answer it, testing the power of his will. He caved at the last second, reaching, but it went to voicemail the instant his thumb brushed across his phone.

Kurt waited and stared with bated breath. For another call. A voicemail. For nothing and everything all at once.

And then, a text came through. _I told her everything_ , it said. _She left me_.

Hours later, when the morning light was pale blue and the birds were chirping, Kurt finally replied.

_I can’t._


End file.
